Hallelujah

When I clean I like to blast the music up loud...gets me motivated. Tonight I started to clean up and had the TV on "The Message" music channel. I think it's the XM radio or something. Anyways the song Hallelujah by Heather Williams came on, I've heard this song many times before but for some reason I had to sit down and sing with her. After the song went off I went back to cleaning and the song stayed in my head even though other songs kept playing on the TV. After a bit I came into the office and googled the song because I wanted to hear it again. After listening a bazillion times on youtube I clicked a side link to hear "Heather's Story" behind the song. She wrote this song because she lost a child. She lost her infant son to a heart condition. I love how God puts things like this in front of me.

It amazes me how God uses women who have been through such pain to make such a joyful noise. I've started this blog, but I want to do more. I want to reach out to other mother's who have lost a child and been through such grief and sorrow. I look at Heather who wrote this song and Angie who wrote I Will Carry You ; they have done so much to serve the Lord and at the same time have helped mothers like me who suffer such grief. I know that if I hadn't read Angie's book, I don't think I would have the same outlook that I do today. I would love to help someone else in the same way. I want to serve my Lord and do whatever it is that He wants me to do. Would you mind praying for me that I hear whatever it is that the Lord wants for me?

Here's the song that's made my cry like a baby tonight :)


Jesus, please come
please come today
hear me
heal me
be near me I pray

I have fallen so far
flat on my face
I'm in need of your grace today
I stumble and fall
but in spite of it all
your love always stays the same
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Jesus, please come
please come today
break me
mold me
use me I pray

but don't give up on me now
I'm so close to you now
I'm in need of your grace today
wipe the dirt off my face
hold me in your embrace
your love always saves the day
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

I have fallen so far
flat on my face
I'm in need of your grace today
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Sing Hallelujah
Sing Hallelujah
Sing Hallelujah amen

On my knees here I fall
in spite of it all
Hallelujah
And though it seems hard
I'm still trusting you Lord
Hallelujah
Hallelujah


The last part... "And though it seems hard I'm still trusting you Lord" that sums me up, I still don't fully understand why Paisly was here such a short time but I trust Him. I know that He knows and it will be revealed to me someday. God has already blessed me so much with a husband, with Paisly Grace, and now with the baby on the way. I want to do for Him - "Break me, mold me, use me I pray" that's what I want.


Heather Williams - Hallelujah (2010 Video & Lyrics)

Sweet Sweet Peace

John 22:21 says Acquaint now thyself with him, and be at peace: thereby good shall come unto thee.

I've had so many to congratulate me about my pregnancy and let me know that they are praying for this pregnancy. I appreciate them all so much. I'm not going to lie. I am nervous about everything because you don't know how everything is going to turn out. When I was pregnant with Paisly I thought that after 12 weeks I was in the clear, because after 12 weeks your chance for miscarriage dramatically decreases. I know personally that anything can happen the whole time or even after you bring that precious bundle of joy home. Although I am nervous, I have peace. With Paisly I was always worried about what the doctors were saying and wondering what else could go wrong. I pray and pray and pray for this child constantly, and I know so many of you are as well. God has given me so much peace. Before I got pregnant I just knew that I was going to be a complete basket case, that I would worry over every single thing. I am so glad that is not the case. I feel so calm about it all. Through all of my grief with Paisly I have learned to lean on God more and that he has an ultimate plan. I am completely ok with the plan that God has for us and this child. This is why I love my God so much...he whispers sweet peace to me.


On a side note...I had a dream last night about the baby!!! With Paisly, I dreamed about her rarely and never saw her face. In my dream (I won't tell you all of it because it's just crazy) I was on the beach with our son! He was about 2 years old and I can vividly remember his face. He looked just like Andrew...of course, I mean why not, Paisly looked like him and I'm sure all the rest of our kiddos will too. He was just soooo cute, and very well behaved...I hope both of those are true :)

Good Conversations

Next week my life will be over. Until June 24th. School starts tuesday, I'm taking 5 classes this semester. I have class tuesdays and thursdays from 9:30-4:45. I did this last year. Same exact thing, I had 5 classes back to back and I was pregnant. It was awful, so I know this semester will be too. I've looked at my syllabi for some of the classes and I'm already dreading it. BUT I'm going to just have to buck up and do it. It will be well worth it when I'm done.

On another note...my hormones are going craaaazy! I'm all happy go lucky one minute and the next I'm bawling my eyes out. I'm looking around me at the moment at my living room...which is still decorated for Christmas, and it is a horrible mess. I have NO energy to do anything! By time I get home from work, I'm lucky if I land on the couch! I can't wait until my 2nd trimester so I can muster up some energy.

I wanted to share something on here...If you watched the news right before Christmas you may have saw the man in High Point who was shot protecting his family from robbers. That man was a co-worker's nephew (I hope you don't mind me sharing this story). It was a horrible thing to happen and I can't imagine the family's pain right now. While at work, my coworker shared with me that at her nephew's funeral 30 people got saved.


That is amazing.


I can't stop thinking about it. About how that young man and his story brought so many people to the Lord. It amazes me how our God can bring such wonderous happenings out of such a horrible tragedy. I do wonder if God shares with those in heaven how things are working out on earth after they have gone. I hope so because that young man would be so proud to know how his life affected others. Makes me wonder about what he says to Paisly. I imagine that they have some great conversations. I love to sit and talk with God here. I can't imagine how great it would be to talk with him in heaven.

A Poem From Paisly

I wrote this poem to give to my parents and Andrew's parents the night we found out we were pregnant :)

God shares with me all the prayers sent above
With so much care and so much love
He lets me know my family is full of love to share
And when he brought me home it caused much despair
He said to me for every time there is a season
And I brought you home for a very good reason
We’ve discussed it together and He assured me
He would bless this family with another baby
The time has come, and in the womb of my mother
Is growing so fast, my sister or brother
I wanted to share the good news with you
Because mommy and daddy are now parents of two

Love,
Paisly Grace

Back Again

They are back again, an I am so thrilled. I was just so excited to see them, and even more excited to see Andrew's face when he saw them. It's been a while since we saw them last so to see them now is just so exciting. They make me know that my God is an awesome God, that we are so blessed. We are so happy to see them again, but we are nervous just the same but we know that God is watching over it all and he will take care of everything.....so are ya'll wondering who 'they' are yet?




well they






are.....







TWO PINK LINES!!!





We're pregnant again :)

Please keep us in your prayers as I'm still pretty early in the pregnancy. So far everything is going great. We heard the heartbeat and it was 131. Butter Bean is in the right position. With Paisly she didn't quite make it to the dead center of my uterus as you may have read from earlier posts. We called Paisly our tater tot before we knew what the sex was. Well this on is butter bean :) We are thrilled that God has answered our prayers and we can only give Him the credit. From the moment I found out (which was in a lowe's hardware bathroom by the way) I told God I know this child as well as Paisly is His and His alone. We are trusting Him and His plan.



Now Paisly is a big sister and will be staying busy looking over her little brother or sister (At the moment I'm feeling little brother).



There is Paisly's 1st Teddy Bear that her mawmaw and pawpaw made her while I was preggo in front of her Christmas tree. I also finished her stocking...here it is

I'll Be Home

I'll be home for Christmas,
so please don't be so sad.
This is the greatest Christmas
that I've ever had.

I'll be home for Christmas,
so please don't grieve too long.
In heaven here with Jesus,
is where we all belong.

The world is full of struggles,
no matter where you roam,
but please don't be discouraged;
the world is not our home.

I'll be home for Christmas,
and one day, so will you.
The angels all are waiting,
and I'll be waiting too.

Alda Maria



I got an ornament at a specialty store yesturday with this poem on it for Paisly's tree. It's so true. Her Christmas in heaven, I know is better than any present we could have given her in this world.

All Knowing

Psalm 139:1, 14, 16
LORD, thou has searched me, and know me.
I will praise thee; for I am fearfully [and] wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.

So true. God knows me, he knows my hurt, my heart. He knows that I constantly grieve over Paisly, that I miss her terribly and that I can't wait to see them both some day. He also knows the future, what is going to happen with Andrew and I , whether we are going to be able to adopt a precious child, or conceive one of our own. He knows it all. He knows the love I have for my husband and that I am forever thankful that he is mine and I am his. I love it, I love that I can trust in him and know that everything is going to work out as planned...not my plan but HIS. Such a wonderful feeling.

Sorry it's been a while...end of semester at school is crazy!!! Today alone I have 3 presentations, Monday is the last day of school then I have final exams/projects/papers due. I'll be so glad when this is all over. June 24th hurry up. Christmas is just around the corner and I love Christmas, love love love it. BUT this Christmas I just don't have the holiday spirit like usual. I love spending time with family and friends during the holidays but it's not as much fun knowing there is someone missing from the picture. I shouldn't say that, she's not missing, I know exactly where she is. She's just isn't here and I hate it. We are trying as much as we can to include her still. We've put her up a tree with cute green and pink ornaments. She has all kinds of ornaments, there are pink angel wings, little angels, ornaments from us, some from her grandparents and even one from Livi bug. She got her a green ball with a huge P on it, and it lights up...so adorable. She even has some ribbons with little cuppie cakes on them! Pics to come soon!

We were decorating the other night and I was ok up until the point where I hung the stockings. I have one for Andrew, me and a bone stocking for Mr Grunts and Lola, but there was one missing. I knew she is supposed to have a stocking and I lost it. This is where God has truly blessed me- Andrew sat me down and told me that he was going to go out and buy paisley print fabric, make her a stocking from it, paint cupcakes on the top of it, and have her picture put on the front of it. I am blessed with a wonderful husband. We are going to get an angel stocking holder to put it on and hang it right between ours. I'll try and post pics of it as soon as we are done making it.