When I clean I like to blast the music up loud...gets me motivated. Tonight I started to clean up and had the TV on "The Message" music channel. I think it's the XM radio or something. Anyways the song Hallelujah by Heather Williams came on, I've heard this song many times before but for some reason I had to sit down and sing with her. After the song went off I went back to cleaning and the song stayed in my head even though other songs kept playing on the TV. After a bit I came into the office and googled the song because I wanted to hear it again. After listening a bazillion times on youtube I clicked a side link to hear "Heather's Story" behind the song. She wrote this song because she lost a child. She lost her infant son to a heart condition. I love how God puts things like this in front of me.
It amazes me how God uses women who have been through such pain to make such a joyful noise. I've started this blog, but I want to do more. I want to reach out to other mother's who have lost a child and been through such grief and sorrow. I look at Heather who wrote this song and Angie who wrote I Will Carry You ; they have done so much to serve the Lord and at the same time have helped mothers like me who suffer such grief. I know that if I hadn't read Angie's book, I don't think I would have the same outlook that I do today. I would love to help someone else in the same way. I want to serve my Lord and do whatever it is that He wants me to do. Would you mind praying for me that I hear whatever it is that the Lord wants for me?
Here's the song that's made my cry like a baby tonight :)
Jesus, please come
please come today
hear me
heal me
be near me I pray
I have fallen so far
flat on my face
I'm in need of your grace today
I stumble and fall
but in spite of it all
your love always stays the same
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Jesus, please come
please come today
break me
mold me
use me I pray
but don't give up on me now
I'm so close to you now
I'm in need of your grace today
wipe the dirt off my face
hold me in your embrace
your love always saves the day
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
I have fallen so far
flat on my face
I'm in need of your grace today
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Sing Hallelujah
Sing Hallelujah
Sing Hallelujah amen
On my knees here I fall
in spite of it all
Hallelujah
And though it seems hard
I'm still trusting you Lord
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
The last part... "And though it seems hard I'm still trusting you Lord" that sums me up, I still don't fully understand why Paisly was here such a short time but I trust Him. I know that He knows and it will be revealed to me someday. God has already blessed me so much with a husband, with Paisly Grace, and now with the baby on the way. I want to do for Him - "Break me, mold me, use me I pray" that's what I want.
Heather Williams - Hallelujah (2010 Video & Lyrics)
Friday, January 28, 2011
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Sweet Sweet Peace
John 22:21 says Acquaint now thyself with him, and be at peace: thereby good shall come unto thee.
I've had so many to congratulate me about my pregnancy and let me know that they are praying for this pregnancy. I appreciate them all so much. I'm not going to lie. I am nervous about everything because you don't know how everything is going to turn out. When I was pregnant with Paisly I thought that after 12 weeks I was in the clear, because after 12 weeks your chance for miscarriage dramatically decreases. I know personally that anything can happen the whole time or even after you bring that precious bundle of joy home. Although I am nervous, I have peace. With Paisly I was always worried about what the doctors were saying and wondering what else could go wrong. I pray and pray and pray for this child constantly, and I know so many of you are as well. God has given me so much peace. Before I got pregnant I just knew that I was going to be a complete basket case, that I would worry over every single thing. I am so glad that is not the case. I feel so calm about it all. Through all of my grief with Paisly I have learned to lean on God more and that he has an ultimate plan. I am completely ok with the plan that God has for us and this child. This is why I love my God so much...he whispers sweet peace to me.
On a side note...I had a dream last night about the baby!!! With Paisly, I dreamed about her rarely and never saw her face. In my dream (I won't tell you all of it because it's just crazy) I was on the beach with our son! He was about 2 years old and I can vividly remember his face. He looked just like Andrew...of course, I mean why not, Paisly looked like him and I'm sure all the rest of our kiddos will too. He was just soooo cute, and very well behaved...I hope both of those are true :)
I've had so many to congratulate me about my pregnancy and let me know that they are praying for this pregnancy. I appreciate them all so much. I'm not going to lie. I am nervous about everything because you don't know how everything is going to turn out. When I was pregnant with Paisly I thought that after 12 weeks I was in the clear, because after 12 weeks your chance for miscarriage dramatically decreases. I know personally that anything can happen the whole time or even after you bring that precious bundle of joy home. Although I am nervous, I have peace. With Paisly I was always worried about what the doctors were saying and wondering what else could go wrong. I pray and pray and pray for this child constantly, and I know so many of you are as well. God has given me so much peace. Before I got pregnant I just knew that I was going to be a complete basket case, that I would worry over every single thing. I am so glad that is not the case. I feel so calm about it all. Through all of my grief with Paisly I have learned to lean on God more and that he has an ultimate plan. I am completely ok with the plan that God has for us and this child. This is why I love my God so much...he whispers sweet peace to me.
On a side note...I had a dream last night about the baby!!! With Paisly, I dreamed about her rarely and never saw her face. In my dream (I won't tell you all of it because it's just crazy) I was on the beach with our son! He was about 2 years old and I can vividly remember his face. He looked just like Andrew...of course, I mean why not, Paisly looked like him and I'm sure all the rest of our kiddos will too. He was just soooo cute, and very well behaved...I hope both of those are true :)
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Good Conversations
Next week my life will be over. Until June 24th. School starts tuesday, I'm taking 5 classes this semester. I have class tuesdays and thursdays from 9:30-4:45. I did this last year. Same exact thing, I had 5 classes back to back and I was pregnant. It was awful, so I know this semester will be too. I've looked at my syllabi for some of the classes and I'm already dreading it. BUT I'm going to just have to buck up and do it. It will be well worth it when I'm done.
On another note...my hormones are going craaaazy! I'm all happy go lucky one minute and the next I'm bawling my eyes out. I'm looking around me at the moment at my living room...which is still decorated for Christmas, and it is a horrible mess. I have NO energy to do anything! By time I get home from work, I'm lucky if I land on the couch! I can't wait until my 2nd trimester so I can muster up some energy.
I wanted to share something on here...If you watched the news right before Christmas you may have saw the man in High Point who was shot protecting his family from robbers. That man was a co-worker's nephew (I hope you don't mind me sharing this story). It was a horrible thing to happen and I can't imagine the family's pain right now. While at work, my coworker shared with me that at her nephew's funeral 30 people got saved.
That is amazing.
I can't stop thinking about it. About how that young man and his story brought so many people to the Lord. It amazes me how our God can bring such wonderous happenings out of such a horrible tragedy. I do wonder if God shares with those in heaven how things are working out on earth after they have gone. I hope so because that young man would be so proud to know how his life affected others. Makes me wonder about what he says to Paisly. I imagine that they have some great conversations. I love to sit and talk with God here. I can't imagine how great it would be to talk with him in heaven.
On another note...my hormones are going craaaazy! I'm all happy go lucky one minute and the next I'm bawling my eyes out. I'm looking around me at the moment at my living room...which is still decorated for Christmas, and it is a horrible mess. I have NO energy to do anything! By time I get home from work, I'm lucky if I land on the couch! I can't wait until my 2nd trimester so I can muster up some energy.
I wanted to share something on here...If you watched the news right before Christmas you may have saw the man in High Point who was shot protecting his family from robbers. That man was a co-worker's nephew (I hope you don't mind me sharing this story). It was a horrible thing to happen and I can't imagine the family's pain right now. While at work, my coworker shared with me that at her nephew's funeral 30 people got saved.
That is amazing.
I can't stop thinking about it. About how that young man and his story brought so many people to the Lord. It amazes me how our God can bring such wonderous happenings out of such a horrible tragedy. I do wonder if God shares with those in heaven how things are working out on earth after they have gone. I hope so because that young man would be so proud to know how his life affected others. Makes me wonder about what he says to Paisly. I imagine that they have some great conversations. I love to sit and talk with God here. I can't imagine how great it would be to talk with him in heaven.
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