Tears came to my eyes this morning as our photographer posted a collage on facebook of Montgomery's pictures with a verse under it.
For this child I prayed; and the LORD hath given me my petition which I asked of Him:
1 Samuel 1: 27
Wow...how fitting is that?! Countless nights, from the time we got married Andrew and I prayed together that if it were the Lord's will that we have a child. In November 2009 we found that after going through many years of trying and fertility treatments that He had blessed us with a child. How great is He? Since the time I was a little girl I have wanted to be a mother. I would make lists and lists of children's names for my future kids. I had thoughts of what I wanted to be career wise; but my dream above anything else...was to be a mother. I pictured myself rocking a precious baby to sleep, kissing scraped knees and playing for hours on end with them in our big green picket fenced yard. That day (Thanksgiving '09) I was so thrilled to see that positive sign. The Lord answered our prayers.
After Paisly passed, I had mixed emotions about having more children. I knew any pregnancy from there on out would be so stressful and I would worry. Andrew and I had many talks about having more children. I think he wanted children more than I did, and I didn't think that was possible. We decided to start trying again. I thought that it would take way longer than it did because of how long it took us to get pregnant the first time. I was wrong. I took a test on thanksgiving day...I thought maybe it would be a tradition :)
It was negative so I went on with the days festivities and thought nothing else of it. That Saturday I just felt that I needed to take another test. So in the Lowe's hardware bathroom I peed on that tiny stick. I have never prayed as hard as I did then. I think I prayed for 10 minutes straight. I would start to end my prayer and then I would start right back up. When I finally looked at that stick and saw 2 pink lines... I just closed my eyes and prayed some more thanking my wonderful God for his blessings.
He has blessed us with two beautiful girls. Although Paisly isn't here with us, she is still such a blessing. I say 'is' not 'was' because to this day she is nothing but a blessing. If it weren't for her I wouldn't be where I am with God today.
I went to my bible and looked up that verse and kept reading. Verse 28 says "Therefore also I have lent him to the LORD; as long as he liveth he shall be lent to the LORD. And he worshipped the LORD there".
Montgomery is His child.
Paisly is His child.
I am His child.
Thank you Hannah for sharing that with me.
Friday, August 19, 2011
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Our Box
I don't even have to look to know what is in there. I've looked so many times I know it by heart.
It is baby blue and comes together with a tied silk ribbon.
Our box consists of:
-small pink card stock with her tiny foot prints
-the patient/doctor name card that was on our door
-A note that was placed on our door so that the staff would know that I was going home empty handed. It has a poem on the back and a picture of a leaf on the front.
-The CD that has all of her natural pictures on it
-A tiny pink crotchet toboggan and matching blanket
-Her cupcake outfit and bow (which we had planned to bring her home in)
-The hat the hospital puts on babies as soon as they are born...you know those ugly ones that looks like a piece of cloth tied together with a string at the top
-Three matching hospital bracelets which none of us ever got to wear
-A wisp of her black curls
-a measuring tape
-Her Obituary
On the inside of the top flap there is an insert that states:
Paisly Grace Davenport
June 21, 2010 @ 7:26am
4lbs. 9oz.
18 1/2 inches long
chest- 10 1/2 inches
Head- 11 1/2 inches
That's it. That is all I was given at the hospital when Paisly Grace was born. While there we had to decide what funeral home we were going to use so that they could come pick up her lifeless body that afternoon. Usually when you go through 15 hours of labor you are given a birth certificate right? We weren't. Usually when you have to pick a funeral home, then pick a casket that seems too small to even fit a stuffed animal inside of, you get a death certificate, right? We weren't. On paper, our daughter doesn't exist. How is that? I had to pay all those hospital and doctor's bills from when she was delivered. I have a bill that states I was in a labor/delivery room and was given medicine to ease the pain of labor. We paid a funeral home and a monument company to make her headstone. Yet I have neither a birth or death certificate. Although our beautiful daughter lived only in my womb, she still lived and died. I believe this needs to be recognized as such. Please be one to help change the laws so NC moms that have to give birth to their sleeping babies can have some acknowledgment that their baby's life matters.
Please go to this link and sign the petition
http://www.thepetitionsite.com/3/certificate-of-birth-resulting-in-stillbirth-in-north-carolina/
I would love to have something other than a little blue box that states that our daughter existed.
It is baby blue and comes together with a tied silk ribbon.
Our box consists of:
-small pink card stock with her tiny foot prints
-the patient/doctor name card that was on our door
-A note that was placed on our door so that the staff would know that I was going home empty handed. It has a poem on the back and a picture of a leaf on the front.
-The CD that has all of her natural pictures on it
-A tiny pink crotchet toboggan and matching blanket
-Her cupcake outfit and bow (which we had planned to bring her home in)
-The hat the hospital puts on babies as soon as they are born...you know those ugly ones that looks like a piece of cloth tied together with a string at the top
-Three matching hospital bracelets which none of us ever got to wear
-A wisp of her black curls
-a measuring tape
-Her Obituary
On the inside of the top flap there is an insert that states:
Paisly Grace Davenport
June 21, 2010 @ 7:26am
4lbs. 9oz.
18 1/2 inches long
chest- 10 1/2 inches
Head- 11 1/2 inches
That's it. That is all I was given at the hospital when Paisly Grace was born. While there we had to decide what funeral home we were going to use so that they could come pick up her lifeless body that afternoon. Usually when you go through 15 hours of labor you are given a birth certificate right? We weren't. Usually when you have to pick a funeral home, then pick a casket that seems too small to even fit a stuffed animal inside of, you get a death certificate, right? We weren't. On paper, our daughter doesn't exist. How is that? I had to pay all those hospital and doctor's bills from when she was delivered. I have a bill that states I was in a labor/delivery room and was given medicine to ease the pain of labor. We paid a funeral home and a monument company to make her headstone. Yet I have neither a birth or death certificate. Although our beautiful daughter lived only in my womb, she still lived and died. I believe this needs to be recognized as such. Please be one to help change the laws so NC moms that have to give birth to their sleeping babies can have some acknowledgment that their baby's life matters.
Please go to this link and sign the petition
http://www.thepetitionsite.com/3/certificate-of-birth-resulting-in-stillbirth-in-north-carolina/
I would love to have something other than a little blue box that states that our daughter existed.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Three Weeks
Today Montgomery is three weeks old...where did these last three weeks go?! They have went by so fast! Montgomery is growing quickly, she looks different every day. She also does something new every day and I just love watching her grow.
I was so excited this last Sunday, we took Montgomery to her first church service. She did well, other than getting a little fussy because she was hungry. I believe she is going through a growth spurt; she is cluster feeding like crazy. That day she ate every hour most of the day, which can be extremely tiring! I was so happy to take her to church. I pray every night that Andrew and I are the parents that God wants us to be. I feel that it is very important to be a good testimony, but I feel even stronger when it comes to Montgomery. I not only want to teach her about God and how good He is, but I want her to see me live it. I look at her all day and I can't help but think how can anyone not believe in God after seeing such a miracle...a beautiful miracle at that. I especially think about how much God has blessed us and I want her to see that as well. I want her to know how God blessed us with her older sister Paisly and how much she changed our lives and how God blessed us with her. I can't express how thankful I am that God has blessed us with our two beautiful girls and I want her to see that.
A comment left on my last post made me so happy...Montgomery is constantly smiling in her sleep and someone posted that when infants sleep and dream they are dreaming of playing with angels and that maybe she was dreaming about Paisly. I love that...when she is dreaming and smiling now I just imagine her and Paisly playing together. I'm looking at her now laying beside me and she is smiling...so big. It is so adorable first she'll do a little grin then will break out into a full blown cheesy smile. I love it.
I was so excited this last Sunday, we took Montgomery to her first church service. She did well, other than getting a little fussy because she was hungry. I believe she is going through a growth spurt; she is cluster feeding like crazy. That day she ate every hour most of the day, which can be extremely tiring! I was so happy to take her to church. I pray every night that Andrew and I are the parents that God wants us to be. I feel that it is very important to be a good testimony, but I feel even stronger when it comes to Montgomery. I not only want to teach her about God and how good He is, but I want her to see me live it. I look at her all day and I can't help but think how can anyone not believe in God after seeing such a miracle...a beautiful miracle at that. I especially think about how much God has blessed us and I want her to see that as well. I want her to know how God blessed us with her older sister Paisly and how much she changed our lives and how God blessed us with her. I can't express how thankful I am that God has blessed us with our two beautiful girls and I want her to see that.
A comment left on my last post made me so happy...Montgomery is constantly smiling in her sleep and someone posted that when infants sleep and dream they are dreaming of playing with angels and that maybe she was dreaming about Paisly. I love that...when she is dreaming and smiling now I just imagine her and Paisly playing together. I'm looking at her now laying beside me and she is smiling...so big. It is so adorable first she'll do a little grin then will break out into a full blown cheesy smile. I love it.
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