Before the Morning

This song has helped me through my bad days...






Do you wonder why you have to,
feel the things that hurt you,
if there's a God who loves you,
where is He now?

Maybe, there are things you can't see
and all those things are happening
to bring a better ending
some day, some how, you'll see, you'll see

Chorus:
Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain that you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming

so hold on, you got to wait for the light
press on, just fight the good fight
because the pain that you've been feeling,
it's just the dark before the morning

My friend, you know how this all ends
and you know where you're going,
you just don't know how you get there
so just say a prayer.
and hold on, cause there's good for those who love God,
life is not a snapshot, it might take a little time,
but you'll see the bigger picture

Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain that you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming

so hold on, you got to wait for the light
press on, just fight the good fight
because the pain you've been feeling,
it's just the dark before the morning
yeah, yeah,
before the morning,
yeah, yeah

Once you feel the way of glory,
all your pain will fade to memory
once you feel the way of glory,
all your pain will fade to memory
memory, memory, yeah

Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain that you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming

Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming

com'n, you got to wait for the light
press on, just fight the good fight
because the pain that you've been feeling,
it's just the hurt before the healing
the pain that you've been feeling,
it's just the dark before the morning
before the morning, yeah, yeah
before the morning

BEFORE THE MORNING LYRICS - JOSH WILSON

A Prayer Request

Ugh...still can't find that cord!!! I want to put up some pictures and I can't- so frustrating!!! So today at work....Andrew sent me yellow roses. I love my husband so much. We are doing devotions every night, and this weeks theme is about romance. We talked last night about each other's ideas of romance and so on...well needless to say my hunny just showed me up!!! Any ideas on how to romanticize him back? (keep it clean ladies ;) )

I can't wait for October 1st! I get to hear Angie Smith speak, I'm so excited! I need it. I will say that what people say it true; time heals your wounds. I won't say that I'm completely healed, I don't think that will ever be the case but my bad days are becoming a little more spaced out than they were before. I still have the occassional person who I run into from classes last semester who ask how my baby is and I have to tell them. I hate the reactions. Not because of them, they don't know but that's just it. Every single time, whoever it is it never fails, they keep apologizing saying they didn't mean to bring it up...Umm you didn't know! and however hard I try the awqwardness...just lingers!!!!!!! ugh that awqwardness!!! I will conquer it one day!

Ok. I wasn't going to announce this, but I know the power of prayer and I need ya'll to pray pray pray for us. When I went for my post partum checkup my Dr advised us to wait a year to conceive again, more for emotional reasons than physical. Andrew and I have discussed it A LOT and we both feel that we are ready to start trying again. I know it seems soon, but...it took three years to get pregnant with Paisly, so we want to start now. Please keep us in your prayers as when you are trying to get pregnant it can be extremely draining. I know this sounds kind of odd, but during Paisly's labor and delivery and afterward I could honestly feel all the prayers, I just knew that our names were being lifted to our Lord and I ask you to do the same now. Thanks guys :)

Love
Ryan

Pictures and Lost Cords

O My, I feel like such a slacker! I kinda knew this would happen when I got into school and doing homework and working and everything. I don't want it to...so I'm going to buck up and get it done :) I wanted to get a picture up of Paisly's headstone, but I can't find my cord...that's just like me, to lose something that I use so often! I want to put up some pics of Andrew and I in Boone last weekend. It was so nice up there, and to get away for a while was just what we needed. The weather was so beautiful and the scenery was breath taking. It was nice to look at what God has made. All the beauty that he created just amazes me. I'll tell you one thing He is one smart cookie. I can just imagine his thoughts while he's creating all the beauty of this world. Sitting like a painter in front of His canvas....Amazing.

Andrew and I have been reading a devotion every night by the Dobson family. Pastor Dickerson gave it to us when he came over. I love it. Every week has a different theme, and this weeks them is to trust God. It has been just what I needed to hear. I do trust God and I trust that he has a plan for us, but sometimes you need to hear it from someone else. It still hurts beyond words that Paisly isn't here but I find so much comfort knowing that God has a plan. One that we don't know quite yet, but someday he will show us the whole picture

Also, one last thing- We are going on a memory walk for Paisly Grace on October 9th. It kind of reminds me a little bit of Relay for Life. You have teams for your loved one. If anyone is interested in going with us let me know, you have to be registered by september 21st!!!! Email me or message me of facebook, or call...just let me know soon :)

Final...

The monument people called to say that they were putting Paisly's headstone in. They wanted to know if we wanted to be there when they put it in. I told him no that we would come later on this afternoon... I don't think I would be able to stand there while they finalize the fact that my daughter's tiny body is in the ground. I know its just the resting place for her flesh and that she isn't really in that small box but it still hurts to know that she's there and not in my arms.
I have mixed feelings about it all, I'm glad that she is getting her headstone. I hate going to see her and all that is there is the little plastic marker that the funeral home placed there, I want something better for my daughter letting people know she's there. She is so much better than a flimsy piece of plastic. On the other hand it makes everything final. There's nothing left to wait for. It all is a waiting game. We waited to get pregnant, we waited to see if she was a boy or girl, we waited on test results, we waited to see why she wasn't moving, we waited 15 hours to meet her, we waited on the funeral home to get her tiny body ready, and we waited for her headstone to be placed in the ground over her tiny casket. Now it's all done. No more waiting. But now that I think about it, I will still wait, I will wait to see her again in heaven. To me that is worth the wait, it all was. When I was in labor with her, I dreaded that when she came she would already be gone, yet I was glad that I would be able to finally hold her in my arms. I'll be so thrilled to be reunited with my little girl, to talk about so many things with her, ask her what all she's been doing this whole time in heaven, who she's met up there and so much more.

I'll try to post a picture of her stone a little later on here...