Final...

The monument people called to say that they were putting Paisly's headstone in. They wanted to know if we wanted to be there when they put it in. I told him no that we would come later on this afternoon... I don't think I would be able to stand there while they finalize the fact that my daughter's tiny body is in the ground. I know its just the resting place for her flesh and that she isn't really in that small box but it still hurts to know that she's there and not in my arms.
I have mixed feelings about it all, I'm glad that she is getting her headstone. I hate going to see her and all that is there is the little plastic marker that the funeral home placed there, I want something better for my daughter letting people know she's there. She is so much better than a flimsy piece of plastic. On the other hand it makes everything final. There's nothing left to wait for. It all is a waiting game. We waited to get pregnant, we waited to see if she was a boy or girl, we waited on test results, we waited to see why she wasn't moving, we waited 15 hours to meet her, we waited on the funeral home to get her tiny body ready, and we waited for her headstone to be placed in the ground over her tiny casket. Now it's all done. No more waiting. But now that I think about it, I will still wait, I will wait to see her again in heaven. To me that is worth the wait, it all was. When I was in labor with her, I dreaded that when she came she would already be gone, yet I was glad that I would be able to finally hold her in my arms. I'll be so thrilled to be reunited with my little girl, to talk about so many things with her, ask her what all she's been doing this whole time in heaven, who she's met up there and so much more.

I'll try to post a picture of her stone a little later on here...