Helping From a Distance

Ok, so you all know that I started this blog because of the book I read by Angie Smith called "I will Carry You". Well she also has a blog named "Bring the Rain" on here and I have started reading her blog from the beginning, when her trial started with her sweet daughter Audrey, whom she knew would not survive outside of her womb since she was 20 weeks pregnant, yet continued to carry her as long as our Lord would let her. Let me say that if I ever meet this woman in person, I think I will just ball my eyes out. She is so intelligent and has so much wisdom when it comes to scripture. She has a sweet spirit, and I know that she was sent by God to help people like me to get through our own trials. When I am having a day, or even just a moment that I feel my faith isn't the way it should be, or question God's plan I can go to her book, or her blog and read and she helps give me the reassurance that I need. I want to show you this post, this is how almost all her posts are. I don't know exactly if it's ok to copy/paste like this but I want you to see it. (She had just been to a Dr.'s appt)

"This is not a baby God intended for us to keep.

I feel like I need to address that last sentence. You may remember that I asked for you to pray for a miracle today, and you might feel like He failed me. He didn't.

I want you all to hear me on this, especially those of you who are in a place of questioning as far as God is concerned. As much as I want to have my Audrey, I am (truthfully) completely at peace allowing Him to have the final say. It isn't because I'm so super-spiritual or because I have a more direct line to God than anyone else. It is because He tells us we can trust Him with our lives, and I simply choose to believe Him.

....

I prayed and prayed after my appointment about the words I would post, and I kept asking God for wisdom. As my parents and my grandmother left my house late this afternoon, I went to sit on our front porch with Kate. It was a spectacular day here today, well above 70 degrees and as clear as glass. But as we sat in the shadow of our house, it got cold. The wind whipped through and made us shiver. I was tempted to go inside, as neither of us were dressed for what was turning out to be a pretty cold evening. It was just so beautiful, though, and I felt my mind start to rest. It felt so good to just sit in the silence for a minute and gather my thoughts. I looked at Kate, thumb in her mouth, her other arm wrapped around her shoulder.

"Honey, do you want to go inside?"

She knew that the implication was that I was going to stay outside. She shook her head.

"No, I wanna stay with you." She continued to stare straight ahead although her body gave a quick shudder, as if to acknowledge that she agreed that it was uncomfortable.

Against my better parenting instincts, I let her sit, and as I watched her bare feet resting on the cold brick, it occurred to me that regardless of the cost, she wanted to stay with me. She would rather shiver and suffer than be on the other side of the door.

This is how I feel about my Jesus.

It is cold. It is uncomfortable. It is not the perfect situation in my eyes. I am barefoot and unprepared for what happens when a summer day turns unexpectedly to a winter chill, but He sits beside me. I guess I always have the option to run and get warm, but like my Kate, I would rather see what He shows me from this perspective."
(Bring the Rain-Angie Smith)

Sorry, I know it's long, but I wanted you all to read it. I was discussing with a coworker today about how people get through situations like mine and we both agreed that the only possible way was God himself. As much as I don't like what he has chosen for our family, I want to believe in him. He knows the whole story, I only know half, which is what has happened already. He knows the future, He knows all of it. He knows the beginning middle and end and has everything all planned out the way it should be and I will continue to praise and worship His holy name. Thanks again for all your prayers, they mean more than any of you will ever know.

<3 Ryan