Butter Bean

I figured I should update on Butter Bean's status...I went to the Dr today and the heart rate was 143. That's where it's been staying for a while now, in the 140's. Andrew is thinking, based on the heart rate, that this is a boy. I don't know quite yet, with Paisly I knew when I was about 8 weeks for sure without a doubt that she was a girl. This little buttabean is confusing me!

On another note let me just say...


My belly is huge.


Seriously, huge. I feel like I'm in my last trimester. The doctor and others have told me that with your second child you will show quicker, but this is just ridiculous. One of my professors asked me if I was going to have the baby before his midterm exam...which is in three weeks. Ha. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

I will say that I am having to trust my Lord every day with this child. I am nervous, and now that I'm starting to feel the baby it's gotten a little worse. If you've ever been pregnant you know that when you first start feeling the baby move it's not constant. I will maybe feel butter bean once or twice a day then wont feel him/her for a few days. It's nerve racking. I pray constantly and the good Lord continues to give me peace and for that I am so grateful.

I went today and gave Paisly her Valentine's Day flowers. I hate to say that I took them to her grave. I hate saying that word. Grave. To me that is a final resting place, and I know without a doubt that is NOT her final resting place. She is resting in the arms of Jesus as I type these words, which makes me so happy.  I like her flowers, they are roses, they're pink but not solid pink, they are light pink on the outside then get darker toward the inside, very pretty.  It's pretty hard to find flower arrangements to fit in her itty bitty vase. I love to take her flowers. I read in one of my books that when a mother has lost her child, taking flowers and decorations to them is the only way they feel they are still taking care of them. I find this to be so true. When I don't take her flowers right at the turn of the season or a holiday I feel horrible. It makes me anxious and it's all I can think about. I know that in march I'm going to get her gerber daisies.
When Andrew and I bring Butter Bean home we have planned on taking him/her to see his/her older sister first. The take home outfit will say 'big brother/sister'. I want to somehow make an arrangement for Paisly that has flowers but says BIG SISTER somehow. I don't know exactly how but I'll figure it out :)

On a side note...I just want to say that I apologize for typos/misspelled words. I am usually what they call a spiral writer which means I write a little then read, then write a little and re-read over and over until I'm finished. With writing this blog I'm not doing that because I would never publish anything for always wanting to tweek it; therefore there will be typos/misspelled words, bad grammar and such and I apologize but....it happens.
God Bless and have a great weekend!