Wow...I haven't written in a while. So sorry about that! I have been in summer school to completely finish my degree and Thursday was my last day...woot woot! Now I am completely finished with school....until I start my next degree which will be next year.
So much has been going on that I need to write about I'm just praying that with my preggo brain I can remember it all!
First things first...Tuesday, the 21st was my Cuppie Cake's 1st Birthday. I honestly wanted to just stay at home curled up in a ball all to myself. I knew though that wasn't what I needed and would just make me feel horrible. I forced myself to make a Dr's appointment. I'm going once a week now for non stress tests and I figured hearing Montgomery's heartbeat on that monitor for 30 minutes would make me feel better. I was right, it did and I got some great news which I will share a little further down the page :) After my doctor's appointment I met up with a friend whom I met online. I'm so glad I didn't stay at home and got out. My friend, Jill had a precious little boy Ryland who passed away. It was so nice to meet with her and Austin and get to know them. Ryland and I share the same birthday- June 19th, and he passed away the same day Paisly Grace was born. Jill and I have kept in touch and talked quite a bit when everything first happened. She has also been blessed with another child so keep her in your prayers that her little boy comes into this world beautiful and healthy! She came down to Greensboro for a Dr's appointment as well then we met for lunch at Mimi's Cafe. It was delish! It was a good time and I'm so glad I finally got to meet her in person!!!
The night before Paisly's birthday I was making her flowers to take to her. They are so cute! I got cupcake ribbon and birthday ribbon and looped it in and out of the bouquet I made. I'm going to post some pictures, hopefully tomorrow. That night I broke down. I was so excited about making her flowers then I couldn't help but think that it is so crazy I'm getting excited about flowers. I should be planning her birthday party which I had already planned to do in a cupcake theme and getting excited about that. After Paisly passed I signed up for these daily emails, they are called griefshare and they send you an email every day for one year. If you've ever had a loved one pass I strongly recommend this. For that day the email was about God being good. It started with this "Can you truly say that God is good?" Then went on to say that one of the worst things you can do as a Christian is wear a mask on your face saying how great God is when actually your heart is breaking inside. I didn't know exactly what to think about this to begin with. I do believe that God is good but my heart is also still breaking inside.
I think what it means is that you can't just go around professing how wonderful God is if you don't honestly believe it. I do believe it. This past year has brought so many changes in my life and they all came about because of that precious sweet little girl that our Lord and Savior blessed us with. I am not at all the same person I was before I had Paisly and neither is Andrew. We have grown in God and grown with each other and all I can say about it is...God is good. I look around at all he has blessed us with and there is no other way to put it except for...God is GOOD!
Now for some other news....news I don't want to share. Andrew had been in contact with Bikers for Babies and March of Dimes for weeks. He talked to them all the time and did quite a bit of planning. One day I got home and he just looked crushed. I asked what was wrong and he informed me that March of Dimes had called that day and told him that they were not going to do the ride. They said if we wanted to have it, we could put their name on it but they would not be supporting us with it. Andrew is working very hard on trying to figure out something else to do for Paisly and all the other families like ours. He already has quite a few ideas we are just trying to sort them out to see which will work best.
Now for some good news :)... When I went to the Dr this past Tuesday they informed me that they were going to take Montgomery as early as they could. They are doing so because they we still do not know exactly what happened to Paisly Grace and because they know my anxiety level is high. So...they are going to do an amniocentesis (which I am VERY nervous about) at 36 weeks to see if her little lungs are developed and if so they are going to induce the next day. This means that in two weeks we may be having our little girl!!! This is very exciting and very nerve racking at the same time so prayers are much needed and appreciated!
Monday, June 27, 2011
Friday, June 3, 2011
Bikers for Babies
I am so proud of my husband! He has been saying since the day Paisly was born that he wanted to do something for her to keep her memory alive. He got a Harley Davidson not too long ago...as much as I worry and hate that he rides, I'm glad he got it because he has been wanting one since I can remember and what makes him happy, makes me happy. He told me today that he contacted March of Dimes to get a ride going and they agreed to do it!!! AND they are going to do it in Paisly's name!!! This just warms my heart beyond belief. He told me that the woman in charge of organizing these events said she was excited about having a ride because they haven't had any in this area. All afternoon it is all Andrew has talked about, ideas he has and plans for the ride. He is such a wonderful daddy. I know Paisly knows he is an awesome daddy and I can't wait for Montgomery to get here so she can see what a wonderful man her daddy is.
I know this is a short post, but I just wanted to gush about my hubby and how much I love him :)
I will be sure to keep everyone posted about the ride, but in the meantime if you know anyone who has a hog, tell them to be prepared to ride in the fall for Paisly Grace!
I know this is a short post, but I just wanted to gush about my hubby and how much I love him :)
I will be sure to keep everyone posted about the ride, but in the meantime if you know anyone who has a hog, tell them to be prepared to ride in the fall for Paisly Grace!
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Preparations
I knew that getting ready for Montgomery was going to be hard...but I didn't know how hard. Surprisingly I'm not bawling my eyes out or crying hysterically but I know it's going to be a long road when it comes to unpacking all the baby boxes. I had today and tomorrow off from work and they will be my last days off before school starts next week. I'll be very busy between work, school and doctors appointments so I wanted to get some things done around the house. I got quite a bit accomplished today but not as much as I wanted. I've noticed that what I want to do doesn't usually go as far as what I can physically do. I'm usually the type of person that will not sit down until every single thing I want to be done is done. I can't exactly do that any more and I'm having a hard time accepting it. We got Montgomery's bedding the other day and I was so excited! Today I did some things in the nursery and put the bedding in the crib. I've found that I can do one or two things at a time then I have to go do something else. I cleaned the nursery of non-nursery things then started looking for what I could go ahead and unpack.
I'm going to admit that I'm just not 100% certain that Montgomery is a girl...I know the ultrasound tech said she was but...I'm just not convinced. We went ahead and bought the bedding (It's Abby's Farm by Cocalo) and I do hope and pray she is truly a girl but I'm just saying if we end up with a boy, I'm not going to be surprised. I was relieved when they told us she was a girl because that meant that I didn't have to put Paisly's things up in storage and we would get to use them for her little sister. When I had to pack up the nursery, I packed so that the girl-only things and unisex things were separate so that when I did get pregnant again I wouldn't have to go through everything again. Packing all that baby stuff was the hardest thing I had to do. All the fears and thoughts of I should be using these instead of putting them away and Am I going to ever use these things or will I end up giving them away raced through my mind. I am so blessed to know that I have been blessed once again and will get to use them all. So today, I put the bedding on the crib and unpacked a whopping...one box. The one box consisted of all the Dr. Brown's bottles and feeding things. Maybe if I unpack one to two boxes a week I'll be ready when Montgomery gets here.
On another note, I went to the Dr. last Thursday and found that little Montgomery isn't so little. She weighed 2lbs 8oz according to the ultrasound and the Dr. said that she is already big for her age. I'm so glad that I got to see her on that screen. She is already adorable, she was opening and closing her mouth like a little fish. This is wonderful because we know she is developing like she should and her lungs will be good and healthy. Everything looked perfect. I talked to the Dr about my anxiety because Montgomery just does not move like Paisly did. Paisly moved constantly....Montgomery, not so much. He assured me that even before babies are born they have a personality and that Montgomery is just a laid back baby. As I'm typing this Montgomery is going into her very rare moving fits...and I don't mind at all. It's like she's saying Mommy I'm not lazy!!!
When I came home from the Dr, I wanted to write a post but blogger was down. While I was waiting at the Dr's office I met a lady. I had seen her in the big waiting room and she was very talkative and open. When I saw her again in the smaller waiting room I thought Oh Lord it's this woman, please don't let her ask me questions....but she did. She asked how far I was, if it was a boy or girl...all the common questions. Then I was praying that she didn't ask me if this was my first child. I LOVE sharing Paisly's story but sometimes its exhausting telling all the details and seeing peoples awkward reactions when I tell her story and that day I really just didn't feel like talking about it. Inevitably...she asked. I told her about Paisly and her response suprised me. She said "That just made my day". I was a little confused then she explained "To hear about your first daughter and see that God has blessed you so soon with another is just amazing". Wow...how right she is. I am blessed. I felt just plain horrible about thinking that I didn't want to share Paisly's story because this woman talked too much and here she opened my eyes with her many words. We continued to talk about her children and bows and shopping and other things until I was called to talk with the Dr. God really showed me that he always has something in store for me, whether it is something large like blessing us with another life or something simple like a talkative woman in a waiting room.
I'm going to admit that I'm just not 100% certain that Montgomery is a girl...I know the ultrasound tech said she was but...I'm just not convinced. We went ahead and bought the bedding (It's Abby's Farm by Cocalo) and I do hope and pray she is truly a girl but I'm just saying if we end up with a boy, I'm not going to be surprised. I was relieved when they told us she was a girl because that meant that I didn't have to put Paisly's things up in storage and we would get to use them for her little sister. When I had to pack up the nursery, I packed so that the girl-only things and unisex things were separate so that when I did get pregnant again I wouldn't have to go through everything again. Packing all that baby stuff was the hardest thing I had to do. All the fears and thoughts of I should be using these instead of putting them away and Am I going to ever use these things or will I end up giving them away raced through my mind. I am so blessed to know that I have been blessed once again and will get to use them all. So today, I put the bedding on the crib and unpacked a whopping...one box. The one box consisted of all the Dr. Brown's bottles and feeding things. Maybe if I unpack one to two boxes a week I'll be ready when Montgomery gets here.
On another note, I went to the Dr. last Thursday and found that little Montgomery isn't so little. She weighed 2lbs 8oz according to the ultrasound and the Dr. said that she is already big for her age. I'm so glad that I got to see her on that screen. She is already adorable, she was opening and closing her mouth like a little fish. This is wonderful because we know she is developing like she should and her lungs will be good and healthy. Everything looked perfect. I talked to the Dr about my anxiety because Montgomery just does not move like Paisly did. Paisly moved constantly....Montgomery, not so much. He assured me that even before babies are born they have a personality and that Montgomery is just a laid back baby. As I'm typing this Montgomery is going into her very rare moving fits...and I don't mind at all. It's like she's saying Mommy I'm not lazy!!!
When I came home from the Dr, I wanted to write a post but blogger was down. While I was waiting at the Dr's office I met a lady. I had seen her in the big waiting room and she was very talkative and open. When I saw her again in the smaller waiting room I thought Oh Lord it's this woman, please don't let her ask me questions....but she did. She asked how far I was, if it was a boy or girl...all the common questions. Then I was praying that she didn't ask me if this was my first child. I LOVE sharing Paisly's story but sometimes its exhausting telling all the details and seeing peoples awkward reactions when I tell her story and that day I really just didn't feel like talking about it. Inevitably...she asked. I told her about Paisly and her response suprised me. She said "That just made my day". I was a little confused then she explained "To hear about your first daughter and see that God has blessed you so soon with another is just amazing". Wow...how right she is. I am blessed. I felt just plain horrible about thinking that I didn't want to share Paisly's story because this woman talked too much and here she opened my eyes with her many words. We continued to talk about her children and bows and shopping and other things until I was called to talk with the Dr. God really showed me that he always has something in store for me, whether it is something large like blessing us with another life or something simple like a talkative woman in a waiting room.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
A bittersweet Day
I dreaded this day all week.
I thought I would be antisocial and not wanting to have anything to do with anybody.
I thought I would be depressed and sad and mad and just a basket case.
Much to my surprise I wasn't. Well...I was sad today but I wasn't as bad as I thought I would be. That's why I love my God. I prayed he would help me through today and he did, way beyond my expectations. I figured I would be crying on and off all day but I didn't. I kept it together for the most part. Andrew got me three cards; one from him, one from Paisly and one from Montgomery. I cried when I read Paisly's card and then this afternoon we went to see Paisly and I lost it a little then, but for the most part I had peace all day and for that I am so thankful.
On another note, this past Thursday night I had a great night....I GRADUATED!!! I am SO glad this day has finally come. I feel very accomplished at the moment but still have a little to go. I was able to walk at my graduation but still have to complete two summer classes. It was either walk now or in august which is when I am due and I knew it would be hard enough to sit through a graduation as huge as I am now. Then my plans are to take a year off from school then go back to finish my masters to be a Speech Pathologist. I can't wait till I'm finished and can start working as a Speech Therapist. I shadowed a friend and I LOVE it...can't wait!!!
Back to Mother's Day...I think what has helped me today as well, is that God has blessed me with another precious little girl and she's been sure to let me know she's here with me today. Kicks and punches and rolls all day have made me so happy. Today was bittersweet because I know Paisly isn't here to shower me with mommy day kisses but I know where she is and that gives me peace. I also know that I have another little girl on the way that will one day be showering me with mommy day kisses and hugs. All I can say is I am blessed.
I thought I would be antisocial and not wanting to have anything to do with anybody.
I thought I would be depressed and sad and mad and just a basket case.
Much to my surprise I wasn't. Well...I was sad today but I wasn't as bad as I thought I would be. That's why I love my God. I prayed he would help me through today and he did, way beyond my expectations. I figured I would be crying on and off all day but I didn't. I kept it together for the most part. Andrew got me three cards; one from him, one from Paisly and one from Montgomery. I cried when I read Paisly's card and then this afternoon we went to see Paisly and I lost it a little then, but for the most part I had peace all day and for that I am so thankful.
On another note, this past Thursday night I had a great night....I GRADUATED!!! I am SO glad this day has finally come. I feel very accomplished at the moment but still have a little to go. I was able to walk at my graduation but still have to complete two summer classes. It was either walk now or in august which is when I am due and I knew it would be hard enough to sit through a graduation as huge as I am now. Then my plans are to take a year off from school then go back to finish my masters to be a Speech Pathologist. I can't wait till I'm finished and can start working as a Speech Therapist. I shadowed a friend and I LOVE it...can't wait!!!
Back to Mother's Day...I think what has helped me today as well, is that God has blessed me with another precious little girl and she's been sure to let me know she's here with me today. Kicks and punches and rolls all day have made me so happy. Today was bittersweet because I know Paisly isn't here to shower me with mommy day kisses but I know where she is and that gives me peace. I also know that I have another little girl on the way that will one day be showering me with mommy day kisses and hugs. All I can say is I am blessed.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Easter
It's been SO long! So, so sorry! I am busy as a bee with all my school work coming to an end. Yesterday was my last day of classes for this semester (woohoo). Now I have two papers left to write and three final exams. I'm so glad to be wrapping this all up! Graduation is May 6th :) I'm sure you can feel my excitement through the computer screen.
I went to the mall today after work to try and look for an Easter dress. Our mall has a tiny selection of maternity dresses so needless to say I will be wearing the same Easter dress I wore last year because I really just don't feel like driving thirty plus minutes to search for one. I hate trying on clothes. Hate it. Anyways, today was one of those days that things just kind of hit me before I knew it. I was looking through Belk's for my dress and walked right by the baby section. Then it hit me. I should be buying not only myself a dress, but a dress for a perfect little ten month old. I was so excited when I was pregnant with Paisly about her first Easter. I even had a big purple basket that I found the other day when I was looking through the nursery closet. My parents always had gifts for us for Easter and made sure we knew the real reason for the holiday. I was looking forward to passing that on to Paisly. I know next year I will be able to share with Montgomery, and that was another thought I had. I always said that if I had two little girls close to the same age that I refused to dress them alike. Wrong. While I was thinking about the dress for Paisly, I thought that I would be dressing her and Montgomery alike next year. Matching bows and shoes and all. Even those horrible frilly white socks.
I hope you all have a wonderful Easter and remember that it isn't about Easter egg hunts or the bunny. It is about our Lord and Saviour who died for us then rose again. It is because of this that we can have eternal life. I am so thankful.
I went to the mall today after work to try and look for an Easter dress. Our mall has a tiny selection of maternity dresses so needless to say I will be wearing the same Easter dress I wore last year because I really just don't feel like driving thirty plus minutes to search for one. I hate trying on clothes. Hate it. Anyways, today was one of those days that things just kind of hit me before I knew it. I was looking through Belk's for my dress and walked right by the baby section. Then it hit me. I should be buying not only myself a dress, but a dress for a perfect little ten month old. I was so excited when I was pregnant with Paisly about her first Easter. I even had a big purple basket that I found the other day when I was looking through the nursery closet. My parents always had gifts for us for Easter and made sure we knew the real reason for the holiday. I was looking forward to passing that on to Paisly. I know next year I will be able to share with Montgomery, and that was another thought I had. I always said that if I had two little girls close to the same age that I refused to dress them alike. Wrong. While I was thinking about the dress for Paisly, I thought that I would be dressing her and Montgomery alike next year. Matching bows and shoes and all. Even those horrible frilly white socks.
I hope you all have a wonderful Easter and remember that it isn't about Easter egg hunts or the bunny. It is about our Lord and Saviour who died for us then rose again. It is because of this that we can have eternal life. I am so thankful.
Friday, April 8, 2011
Showers of Blessings
I must say, I am one blessed woman. I have been asked how I can say I am blessed after everything that happened with Paisly. How could I say that through Paisly God hasn't blessed my life? Carrying her for eight months was the best thing that ever happened to me. She changed my life beyond measure and although she is not here with me I am so glad that I had her, and I would not change one thing. You might ask if I would change the fact that she isn't here and I would have to say no. Don't get me wrong, I would LOVE to have her here with me and listen to her laughs and first words, I would give anything for that; BUT God does everything for a reason. This happened for a reason and his reasons are better than my what ifs so I will leave it at that.
I had started this post to tell how people around me are such blessings but for some reason all of that came out :) Now on to my other blessings... Through this blog I have received emails after emails of people who want to talk or who have had the same things happen to them or something similar and it is so nice to be able to talk to them and share experiences. I also have women who are just blessing me all around and I wanted to return the favor by putting their name out there. One is the owner of Little Teapot Designs, I encourage you to look her up on facebook and look around, she specializes in graphic designs. If you are looking for birth announcements, birthday invitations etc... look her up! She is being so kind as to give me a birth announcement for Paisly since I never got one, and let me tell you that means so much to me. Little things such as that just warm my heart! Another is HC Photography who is doing my maternity session for us and Montgomery, she takes wonderful photos! Look her up on facebook as well!!! Anyways, I just wanted to share about these to amazing women who are such blessings if you want to know more about them look them up or let me know and I'll get you in contact with them!
I had started this post to tell how people around me are such blessings but for some reason all of that came out :) Now on to my other blessings... Through this blog I have received emails after emails of people who want to talk or who have had the same things happen to them or something similar and it is so nice to be able to talk to them and share experiences. I also have women who are just blessing me all around and I wanted to return the favor by putting their name out there. One is the owner of Little Teapot Designs, I encourage you to look her up on facebook and look around, she specializes in graphic designs. If you are looking for birth announcements, birthday invitations etc... look her up! She is being so kind as to give me a birth announcement for Paisly since I never got one, and let me tell you that means so much to me. Little things such as that just warm my heart! Another is HC Photography who is doing my maternity session for us and Montgomery, she takes wonderful photos! Look her up on facebook as well!!! Anyways, I just wanted to share about these to amazing women who are such blessings if you want to know more about them look them up or let me know and I'll get you in contact with them!
There shall be showers of blessing
This is the promise of love
There shall be seasons refreshing
Sent from the Savior above.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Moments
Today, I am really missing my little Paisly...I'm about to start getting ready for church and I can't help but think about how this morning would go if Paisly were here. I wonder what cute dress and bow would I be dressing her in, and if she would be babbling to me while I got her ready. I just really, really miss her today.
While we were at the beach, we did a lot of writing in the sand...we always do, I don't know why but I love to write in the sand! We wrote Paisly's name and we wrote Montgomery's name and our whole family's names...we wrote a lot. We wrote Paisly's name and a little message to her in the sand, and just as soon as I finished writing it, the water came up higher than it had been and washed it away. It was one of those moments where God gives you peace. I just knew with my heart of hearts that Paisly got that message. It's one of those unexplainable moments that you could never explain if you had to, but you just know.
While we were at the beach, we did a lot of writing in the sand...we always do, I don't know why but I love to write in the sand! We wrote Paisly's name and we wrote Montgomery's name and our whole family's names...we wrote a lot. We wrote Paisly's name and a little message to her in the sand, and just as soon as I finished writing it, the water came up higher than it had been and washed it away. It was one of those moments where God gives you peace. I just knew with my heart of hearts that Paisly got that message. It's one of those unexplainable moments that you could never explain if you had to, but you just know.
Thankfully Andrew was taking pictures like crazy, and you can see the water coming up to wash it away. I'm glad and thankful that my God gives me moments like those, it is those peaceful moments that get me through the day.
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