Preparations

I knew that getting ready for Montgomery was going to be hard...but I didn't know how hard. Surprisingly I'm not bawling my eyes out or crying hysterically but I know it's going to be a long road when it comes to unpacking all the baby boxes. I had today and tomorrow off from work and they will be my last days off before school starts next week. I'll be very busy between work, school and doctors appointments so I wanted to get some things done around the house. I got quite a bit accomplished today but not as much as I wanted. I've noticed that what I want to do doesn't usually go as far as what I can physically do. I'm usually the type of person that will not sit down until every single thing I want to be done is done. I can't exactly do that any more and I'm having a hard time accepting it. We got Montgomery's bedding the other day and I was so excited! Today I did some things in the nursery and put the bedding in the crib. I've found that I can do one or two things at a time then I have to go do something else. I cleaned the nursery of non-nursery things then started looking for what I could go ahead and unpack.

I'm going to admit that I'm just not 100% certain that Montgomery is a girl...I know the ultrasound tech said she was but...I'm just not convinced. We went ahead and bought the bedding (It's Abby's Farm by Cocalo) and I do hope and pray she is truly a girl but I'm just saying if we end up with a boy, I'm not going to be surprised. I was relieved when they told us she was a girl because that meant that I didn't have to put Paisly's things up in storage and we would get to use them for her little sister. When I had to pack up the nursery, I packed so that the girl-only things and unisex things were separate so that when I did get pregnant again I wouldn't have to go through everything again. Packing all that baby stuff was the hardest thing I had to do. All the fears and thoughts of I should be using these instead of putting them away and Am I going to ever use these things or will I end up giving them away raced through my mind. I am so blessed to know that I have been blessed once again and will get to use them all. So today, I put the bedding on the crib and unpacked a whopping...one box. The one box consisted of all the Dr. Brown's bottles and feeding things. Maybe if I unpack one to two boxes a week I'll be ready when Montgomery gets here.

On another note, I went to the Dr. last Thursday and found that little Montgomery isn't so little. She weighed 2lbs 8oz according to the ultrasound and the Dr. said that she is already big for her age. I'm so glad that I got to see her on that screen. She is already adorable, she was opening and closing her mouth like a little fish. This is wonderful because we know she is developing like she should and her lungs will be good and healthy. Everything looked perfect.  I talked to the Dr about my anxiety because Montgomery just does not move like Paisly did. Paisly moved constantly....Montgomery, not so much. He assured me that even before babies are born they have a personality and that Montgomery is just a laid back baby. As I'm typing this Montgomery is going into her very rare moving fits...and I don't mind at all. It's like she's saying Mommy I'm not lazy!!!

When I came home from the Dr, I wanted to write a post but blogger was down. While I was waiting at the Dr's office I met a lady. I had seen her in the big waiting room and she was very talkative and open. When I saw her again in the smaller waiting room I thought Oh Lord it's this woman, please don't let her ask me questions....but she did. She asked how far I was, if it was a boy or girl...all the common questions. Then I was praying that she didn't ask me if this was my first child. I LOVE sharing Paisly's story but sometimes its exhausting telling all the details and seeing peoples awkward reactions when I tell her story and that day I really just didn't feel like talking about it. Inevitably...she asked. I told her about Paisly and her response suprised me. She said "That just made my day". I was a little confused then she explained "To hear about your first daughter and see that God has blessed you so soon with another is just amazing". Wow...how right she is. I am blessed. I felt just plain horrible about thinking that I didn't want to share Paisly's story because this woman talked too much and here she opened my eyes with her many words. We continued to talk about her children and bows and shopping and other things until I was called to talk with the Dr. God really showed me that he always has something in store for me, whether it is something large like blessing us with another life or something simple like a talkative woman in a waiting room.

A bittersweet Day

I dreaded this day all week.
I thought I would be antisocial and not wanting to have anything to do with anybody.
I thought I would be depressed and sad and mad and just a basket case.
Much to my surprise I wasn't. Well...I was sad today but I wasn't as bad as I thought I would be. That's why I love my God. I prayed he would help me through today and he did, way beyond my expectations. I figured I would be crying on and off all day but I didn't. I kept it together for the most part. Andrew got me three cards; one from him, one from Paisly and one from Montgomery. I cried when I read Paisly's card and then this afternoon we went to see Paisly and I lost it a little then, but for the most part I had peace all day and for that I am so thankful.

On another note, this past Thursday night I had a great night....I GRADUATED!!! I am SO glad this day has finally come. I feel very accomplished at the moment but still have a little to go. I was able to walk at my graduation but still have to complete two summer classes. It was either walk now or in august which is when I am due and I knew it would be hard enough to sit through a graduation as huge as I am now. Then my plans are to take a year off from school then go back to finish my masters to be a Speech Pathologist. I can't wait till I'm finished and can start working as a Speech Therapist. I shadowed a friend and I LOVE it...can't wait!!!

Back to Mother's Day...I think what has helped me today as well, is that God has blessed me with another precious little girl and she's been sure to let me know she's here with me today. Kicks and punches and rolls all day have made me so happy.  Today was bittersweet because I know Paisly isn't here to shower me with mommy day kisses but I know where she is and that gives me peace. I also know that I have another little girl on the way that will one day be showering me with mommy day kisses and hugs. All I can say is I am blessed.

Easter

It's been SO long! So, so sorry! I am busy as a bee with all my school work coming to an end. Yesterday was my last day of classes for this semester (woohoo). Now I have two papers left to write and three final exams. I'm so glad to be wrapping this all up! Graduation is May 6th :) I'm sure you can feel my excitement through the computer screen. 

I went to the mall today after work to try and look for an Easter dress. Our mall has a tiny selection of maternity dresses so needless to say I will be wearing the same Easter dress I wore last year because I really just don't feel like driving thirty plus minutes to search for one. I hate trying on clothes. Hate it. Anyways, today was one of those days that things just kind of hit me before I knew it. I was looking through Belk's for my dress and walked right by the baby section. Then it hit me. I should be buying not only myself a dress, but a dress for a perfect little ten month old. I was so excited when I was pregnant with Paisly about her first Easter. I even had a big purple basket that I found the other day when I was looking through the nursery closet. My parents always had gifts for us for Easter and made sure we knew the real reason for the holiday. I was looking forward to passing that on to Paisly. I know next year I will be able to share with Montgomery, and that was another thought I had. I always said that if I had two little girls close to the same age that I refused to dress them alike. Wrong. While I was thinking about the dress for Paisly, I thought that I would be dressing her and Montgomery alike next year. Matching bows and shoes and all. Even those horrible frilly white socks.

I hope you all have a wonderful Easter and remember that it isn't about Easter egg hunts or the bunny. It is about our Lord and Saviour who died for us then rose again. It is because of this that we can have eternal life. I am so thankful.

Showers of Blessings

I must say, I am one blessed woman.  I have been asked how I can say I am blessed after everything that happened with Paisly. How could I say that through Paisly God hasn't blessed my life? Carrying her for eight months was the best thing that ever happened to me. She changed my life beyond measure and although she is not here with me I am so glad that I had her, and I would not change one thing. You might ask if I would change the fact that she isn't here and I would have to say no. Don't get me wrong, I would LOVE to have her here with me and listen to her laughs and first words, I would give anything for that; BUT God does everything for a reason. This happened for a reason and his reasons are better than my what ifs so I will leave it at that.

I had started this post to tell how people around me are such blessings but for some reason all of that came out :) Now on to my other blessings... Through this blog I have received emails after emails of people who want to talk or who have had the same things happen to them or something similar and it is so nice to be able to talk to them and share experiences. I also have women who are just blessing me all around and I wanted to return the favor by putting their name out there. One is the owner of Little Teapot Designs, I encourage you to look her up on facebook and look around, she specializes in graphic designs. If you are looking for birth announcements, birthday invitations etc... look her up!  She is being so kind as to give me a birth announcement for Paisly since I never got one, and let me tell you that means so much to me. Little things such as that just warm my heart! Another is HC Photography who is doing my maternity session for us and Montgomery, she takes wonderful photos! Look her up on facebook as well!!! Anyways, I just wanted to share about these to amazing women who are such blessings if you want to know more about them look them up or let me know and I'll get you in contact with them!

There shall be showers of blessing

This is the promise of love

There shall be seasons refreshing

Sent from the Savior above.

Moments

Today, I am really missing my little Paisly...I'm about to start getting ready for church and I can't help but think about how this morning would go if Paisly were here. I wonder what cute dress and bow would I be dressing her in, and if she would be babbling to me while I got her ready. I just really, really miss her today.

While we were at the beach, we did a lot of writing in the sand...we always do, I don't know why but I love to write in the sand! We wrote Paisly's name and we wrote Montgomery's name and our whole family's names...we wrote a lot.  We wrote Paisly's name and a little message to her in the sand, and just as soon as I finished writing it, the water came up higher than it had been and washed it away. It was one of those moments where God gives you peace. I just knew with my heart of hearts that Paisly got that message. It's one of those unexplainable moments that you could never explain if you had to, but you just know.

Thankfully Andrew was taking pictures like crazy, and you can see the water coming up to wash it away. I'm glad and thankful that my God gives me moments like those, it is those peaceful moments that get me through the day. 

Waves and Kicks

As I sit here listening to waves crash on the sand and see the endless ocean, I am reminded of God and how great He is. This is beautiful and only He could create something so serene. Also as I sit here, I feel little Butter Bean kick. This too reminds me of how blessed I am. My God is so good.

So I know you all want to know about the Dr's appointment Wednesday... Everything measured right on track. We talked to the Sonographer a little before hand about Paisly, so she measured the ventricles first, and we are so glad to say they are measuring great. She then went to see the sex of little Butter Bean...and that was difficult, Butter Bean did not want to show anything!!! We had to keep going back to it because Butter Bean would not open up to let us see...we thought we were going to have to wait to find out! Then finally there was a quick glimpse and we found that Butter Bean is a......GIRL!!!
Andrew gets to name her since I named Paisly Grace. He's named our little Butter Bean...
Montgomery Ashlyn.
I am so amazed at how God is already using little Montgomery to share her sister's story and the glory of God.  So many people ask about me being pregnant, then they ask if this is our first child, then the door is opened to tell Paisly's story and then to tell how God has blessed us once again with Montgomery. All I can say is God is good and I am so blessed.

Dear Cuppie Cake

My Little Cuppie Cake,

Sweet angel, I cannot tell you how much I miss you.  I still imagine every day what you would be like if you were here on this earth. I still go into the nursery and look at shoes and outfits and bows and imagine what I would be dressing you in for the day. I think about what types of food I would be feeding you, and if you would be a picky eater like your daddy. I wonder if by now you would be rolling and crawling all over the floors of this house and how many loads of laundry I would be doing because you are teething and drooling all over everything. I could sit and think all day about who you would be, what your personality would be like, who you looked like more. I try not to though. I try to think about how much joy you are experiencing because you are with our Lord and Saviour. I do think about what you are doing up there, who you are visiting with at the moment and who all you have seen since you've been there. If Mamaw Betty has told you about me as a baby, or if your daddy's Pawpaw tells you about how crazy your daddy can be.  As much as I am hurt that you are not here with me, I am comforted that you are with Jesus and safe in His arms.

We are going to find out next week whether you have a little brother or little sister to watch over. If it is a little brother...you are going to have your hands full because I'm sure he will be just like your daddy. Your daddy misses you so much. Any time he sees a pink rifle, or princess fishing rod, or cute little pink cowgirl boots he says "Paisly would have that".  We talk about you all the time, dreaming about what fun things you are doing, what great stories Jesus is telling you at the moment. I cannot wait sweet girl to see you again. I honestly can't explain how much you have changed my life. I am so thankful that God blessed me with you. Although you were not here with us for long, you changed us so much. I wouldn't trade you for anything. I feel your little brother or sister kicking, and it reminds me of when you were here, and then I am reminded of God's grace. He is so good to us, but I'm sure you know that because you see what he has done for us all. 

I want you to know how much you have changed not only my life, but so many lives around me. I am so thankful to God for blessing me with such a sweet, sweet daughter who has touched so many lives.

I love you, and I miss you beyond what words can describe. You are my cuppie cake, my sweet Paisly and I love you, and I cannot wait to see you again.

Love you always,
Mommy